LJOC: Advice and Support
Please accept our sympathy with you at this time of loss. We wish you that the Almighty will guide you through these difficult hours and days in the most painless way possible. At this time of grief, it may feel especially difficult to deal with the inevitable arrangements. We hope that you will find the brief information written here, helpful.
“The dust shall return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it”(Eccl. 12:7), is a fundamental principle in Judaism. Therefore, as much as it may seem difficult, an immediate burial is the greatest act of respect and kindness that we can do for the deceased. Only in very special circumstances postponing of the funeral to the next day is allowed; such a dispensation will require a consultation with a Rabbi, and the Rabbi may feel that he has to consult with his colleagues, as it is a very serious matter.
The necessary arrangements
The first action to be taken after the death is to cover the body; in Judaism this is considered to be an expression of respect to the deceased. Immediately, inform either Burton & Burton Funeral Directors Tel: 0113 269 5552 or Etz Chaim office Tel: 0113 266 2214, depending on synagogue affiliation, who will make the arrangements for the funeral. If you have feelings of loneliness or need at this moment the spiritual assistance of a member of the clergy, please don’t hesitate to ask for it.
One must obtain a Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (Med. Cert.) from the doctor who last saw the deceased within the previous fourteen days of life. If the person died out of hospital, then you will need to speak to their GP about this. If they died in hospital, then the Bereavement Office will help you with the correct procedure and paperwork. The Med. Cert. will then be sent to the Medical Examiner’s Office who will decide whether the case needs to be referred to the coroner for further investigation. This may happen in cases where the deceased hadn’t seen a doctor within the last 14 days. If not referred to the coroner, the Medical Examiner will forward all the paperwork onto the Registrar’s Office. Whoever is on the Med. Cert. as next of kin will then get a text message or phone call from the Registrar’s Office to make an appointment to register the death and obtain the Death Certificate and Green Form (legal permission to bury). Please inform the Registrar’s Office that this is a Jewish death and you require an urgent appointment.
Once the Green form has been issued, take it to the Funeral Director who is arranging the funeral along with the Tallit (prayer shawl), if the deceased is male. The Funeral Director will arrange for the deceased to be removed to the Tahara House where a Tahara will be performed with the greatest respect and dignity, by Leeds Joint Chevra Kadisha.
The Funeral Director will require the Hebrew name of the deceased.
Once you have completed these actions, arrangements will be taken off your hands, the Funeral Director will continue to deal with all the aspects of the funeral.
On Shabbat or Yom Tov, if the death has occurred at home or in a care home, the deceased should be covered and a family member or friend should stay with the deceased. The Funeral Director’s answer machine has a telephone number which will provide assistance. If the death has occurred in a hospital, the deceased will be removed by the nursing staff to the hospital mortuary. Following the end of Shabbat or Yom Tov, Funeral Directors will be available.
Before burial
Following a death, Jewish law prescribes mourning for any one of seven close relatives of the deceased – father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister and spouse.
The period from the moment one learns about the death of a loved one until burial is called aninut. One is not yet a mourner, but most of the traditions related to mourning are observed during this period of time. In addition, one is exempt from most mitzvot -commandments so as to be free to arrange the funeral and burial. Obviously, the bereaved should not work or engage in business. Eating is kept to a minimum, meat or wine shouldn’t be consumed. Where Shabbat or a festival occurs between the death and the funeral, the status of aninut is suspended.
Tearing of a garment (Kria)
The funeral usually leaves from the Synagogue the deceased was a member of, but the deceased can go directly to the cemetery from the Tahara House with the mourners going from home separately.
The tear is on the left-hand side (over the heart) after the death of a parent and on the right-hand side for other relatives. The torn garment – a jacket, cardigan, sweater or a waistcoat is worn until the end of Shiva but not on Shabbat.
The funeral
A quorum of 10 halachically Orthodox Jewish men (a minyan) is required for the mourners to recite Kaddish.
At the cemetery, the coffin and mourners gather inside the ohel-the chapel for the Burial Service. Cohanim should consult the Rabbi. A central part of the service is called tziduk hadin -the Justification of Judgment, which represents the willingness of the mourner to accept what has happened and not to challenge God’s justice. However, on festive or semi-festive days of Jewish calendar this prayer is replaced by other scriptural readings.
After the service, all present make their way to the burial place. After the coffin is placed in the ground, mourners (not just male) and friends should add at least three shovelfuls of earth to the grave. When passing the shovel to the next person, it is placed on the earth and not handed to the next person’s hand.
After Kaddish is recited by the mourner(s), if there is a male mourner present the friends form two parallel lines allowing the mourner and any other mourners to walk in between and accept their condolences. Some mourners have the tradition of wearing their slippers immediately after the Kaddish recital.
Thus, the period of aninut ends and the bereaved is no longer an onein. The period of avelut -mourning begins; it lasts 12 months for the death of a parent, and 30 days for the other relatives.
One then proceeds to wash their hands at the wash stations before leaving the grounds.
Seven days of mourning (Shivah)
In the house of mourning, mirrors, pictures or sculptures of the deceased should be either covered or removed.
Shivah begins straight after the funeral. Once the mourner(s) returns to the house, a meal of consolation – seudat havra’a prepared by a friend or a family member (who is not a mourner) is offered to the mourners; customary, it consists of a hard-boiled egg and bagels. Like the world, these foods are round indicating that death will eventually come round and affect us all. This is eaten sitting in a low chair, on which the mourner(s) will sit till the end of the Shivah. The chairs are supplied and delivered to the house by the Funeral Director before the burial service. This requirement is intended to reinforce the mourners’ inner emotions. In English we speak of “feeling low,” as a synonym for depression; in Jewish law, the depression is acted out literally.
A candle should be lit in the house of mourning in memory of the deceased, symbolizing the idea “The soul of man is God’s candle” (Proverbs 20:27). The candle is kindled before going to the cemetery and one says before lightning, the name of the deceased and is kept burning for the entire period of Shiva. 24-hour yahrzeit candles or a week-long candle are useful for this purpose.
For the entire week of the Shivah, the mourners remain in the house of mourning, and their relatives and friends come to fulfil the mitzvah of nichum aveilim- (consoling the mourner) and participate in prayers. If no minyan – (prayer quorum of ten men) can be assembled, (as it is usually the case for the morning service), the mourners should leave the house of mourning to attend services in the Synagogue and recite the Kaddish. Before the prayers start, two candles are lit (there is not a specific blessing to recite when lighting these candles, but you may say or reflect that you light the candle in honour of the deceased).
During the Shivah, mourners shouldn’t bathe, shave, trim hair, wear leather shoes, work, launder, iron, or engage in marital relationships. One of the most fundamental laws of Jewish mourning is the prohibition of working and doing business during Shivah. Even if due to special circumstances the mourners don’t want to have visitors and prayers for the entire Shivah, it is essential that they will observe the mourning rituals of the Shivah for the entire seven-day period.
The Shivah is a grieving process which has been tested and proved effective for millions of mourners. On many occasions, people who tried to cut the Shivah short, have later reported relapses into mourning and depression and feelings of absence of a proper closure.
The following days of mourning
As the Shivah is completed, haircuts, shaving, listening to music, dancing and attending Simchas should be avoided for 30 days. For those mourning a parent, the bereavement lasts 12 months.
If those bereaved want more halachic guidance or just help and support, please don’t hesitate to call members of clergy at your synagogue.
Etz Chaim Shul office: 0113 266 2214
UHC Shul office: 0113 269 6141
BHH Shul office: 0113 269 2181
Burton & Burton (For UHC and BHH): 0113 269 5552 or 07796 267 697
David Jacobs, General Manager Leeds Joint Chevra Kadisha, Deputy Registrar for Leeds Jewish community: 07590 876 416
We are grateful to Leeds Joint Chevra Kadisha, Etz Chaim Synagogue and Burton & Burton Funeral Directors for supplying this information.
